Fake Family Reunion
12:02 p.m. on August 16, 2004
Yesterday we went to the 8th annual fake family reunion. Our friend, Batt, who went to school for leisure studies, invented it. He created 2 families, the Wanks and the Comforts; he created names for everyone and gave them each back-stories and everything. He invited a wide combination of people and then every year new people get added to the mix. When you show up for the first time, you draw a nametag out of a stack, and whatever name you draw, you become a part of that family. I am Mrs. Sam Wank, the Matriarch. Luckily Sasha & most of my friends are also Wanks (De Luther, Jade, Lt. Freddie, Lance, & Salty Hogg), except poor Tim who ended up on the Comfort side of things (Grandpa Comfort). The first part of the day is about the potluck, where we all just sit and eat and eat. I made Marvelous Melon, which is jell-o inside a cantaloupe, so when you cut them into slices, the jell-o stays in a wedge shape. I also made coochie coochie salad, which is coos coos, mandarine oranges, almond slices, and pees with an oil and vinegar sauce. The middle part of the day is about doing your own thing, like swimming or Frisbee or eating some more. The last part of the day the two families compete at different picnic games and it is a big deal which family wins each year. Sasha & I won the egg toss this year, which both surprised and delighted me. I kept the winning egg. A few years back I won the pie-baking contest with my cheese finger pie, a cheesecake with crushed butterfingers. My prize was a painting of a quiet lake scene that I still have hanging in my bathroom. The big event is the tug-of-war, with the Wanks on one side and the Comforts on the other; it really defines the triumphant family. I am not a competitive person by nature, but I HAVE to win the tug-of-war. The Comforts made us work for it, and the pulling was at a stand still for a good 5 minutes. I wanted to give up for a moment, but a deeper part of me knew that I would rather rip my hands to shreds on the damn rope than let the Comforts win. It is sort of disturbing, but I knew if we lost, I would be bummed for the rest of the night. Luckily, the Comforts are a weak bunch and they gave up the ghost as per usual. I think in the last 8 years, it has been 5-3 giving the Wanks the most wins. We have cheated some in the past, tying our end of the rope to a tree, but this year we won fair and square, and it felt damn good.

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