****LEFT AT THE REUNION, WOMEN'S DENIM JACKET WITH NEW-AGE BUSINESS CARD IN TOP POCKET**** IF YOURS, EMAIL LOST-AND-FOUND COORDINATOR, LOLLY "MANKILLER" WANK.
For those who couldn't attend the 8th Annual Reunion or had to leave early, it was yet another outstanding year for the Wank Family. For overall team sports, the Wanks advanced to 6 wins, and the Comforts-still trying to regain their momentum, trail with 5.
-Team Sports Breakdown:
Water Balloon Fight: Now becoming a reunion precedent; the Mighty Comforts advance to 3 wins. The Wanks, yet to find their stride in this event, remain at 0.
Wanks advance in the tug of war.
-Individual Sports Breakdown:
Congratulations Mrs. Sam Wank and De Luther Wank for their first win in the Egg Toss! It was a very competitive field this year, and you may well have set the record for number of throws.
Congratulations Poppy Willie Wank and Granny Sadie Snow for your award winning 8th Annual Wank/Comfort Reunion dessert explosion, "BOWL OF CANDY PIE." With 8 votes, "BOC Pie" beats out "Black Hummus" as the
most popular reunion dish of all time. It looked like dog food, but it tasted soooo good! Also, special mention to first timer Dick Comfort with an impressive 6 votes for "Smoked Albacore," and a fine 3rd place finish with 4 votes for Coochie Coochie Salad (Mrs. Sam Wank).
All in all, it was a funtastic reunion. The weather was perfect for the 30 people who were married and divorced, and the attendance was a record-breaker. Fifty-Four people signed in, with an estimated attendance of over 75 total. This beats out the 3rd Annual Reunion, which with over 65 attendees unfortunately unraveled as a fleeting plaything of .com indulgence.
Due to controversy specifically involving the team sports section of the reunion, this wrap-up is being sent out late so as to accurately gather and report records reflecting the sequence of events that transpired. The following summation is derived from interviews collected from over a dozen attendees.....
-Following a Wank victory at the tug of war, it was quickly revealed that one or more members of the Wank team were wearing shoes with cleated soles. Although cleats automatically disqualify a team from this event (reference Olympic tug-of-war rules at http://www.docs.state.ny.us/DOCSOlympics/Tug.htm ), the Comforts "let them win this time." The Comfort children however, didn't feel the same pity for the Wanks, and were quickly angered that the adult Comforts allowed the Wanks to "Steal the Tug of War." Young Count Glamora, not willing to take false defeat with grace- quickly began his battle cry "War on Wanks!, War on Wanks!" He was then seen gathering up the remaining Comfort children with two water balloons and an egg, declaring "we're going to take this place over!" And sure enough they did take over, drawing the Wank and Comfort adults into a full fledged, and quite nasty balloon fight. The score was roughly even when a Wank fouled the team out, casting projectiles within the boundaries of the picnic shelter; a clear violation of Olympic rules for water balloon fights. With this, Liam Beanblossom declared the fight a victory for the Comforts, and nobody present contested this declaration.
So, another year in the books. Last year's Wank/Comfort Christmas Cookie Social never took off, but if anybody on this list would like to host this event taking place in early to mid December, please contact me. By October, I'll send a list of potential hosts so we can vote on the location. I hope everyone has a super year,
Scribe, Tatu Snow