11:20 a.m. on September 21, 2004
How much longer should I continue to see my therapist? I have been seeing a Clinical Psychotherapist for grief counseling for exactly 2 years. I had never been to therapy before and did not know what to expect. I picked her through my insurance company based on location and did not know anything about her. I was super nervous before my first session and was worried this person would make me feel even more freaked out. When I arrived at her office, I expected to see a secretary or something, but it was just an empty waiting room facing a closed door. I waited for maybe 20 minutes, palms sweating, before she finally opened the door. The second I sat down on her couch, I had a complete discharge of emotions. I sobbed and told her everything about what I had been through with my Mother and pretty much my whole life story in one fell, tear-drenched swoop. She had lost her own mother when she was about my age, so I knew that she understood. Her name is Doria and she is a very cute, hippy-ish Buddhist. I always sneeze in her office due to the over-abundance of incense. She never takes any notes, so she often forgets about things we talked about. She is sort of flaky in that she cancels appointments at the last minute and forgets to reschedule me. But, she has never charged me one cent, even though I am supposed to pay a co-pay, plus 20% of each session, plus a $250 annual deductible. She has a ritual everyday of feeding wild raccoons, crows, squirrel and every sort of bird (sort of like Snow White) and even lets a wild opossum come in through the cat door and sleep in her breakfast nook. She showed me pictures of him once. Basically, I am sort of in love with her. I feel that she is my friend and that she honestly cares. I donít feel self-conscious with her or worry that I am boring her or being redundant. Sometimes we just chat like girlfriends for an hour and then I go home. I did not find out she was married to Ron Reagan Jr. until a year in to our sessions. It affected me mainly in that I could not get over how different her mother-in-law was from mine. I am feeling better and stronger everyday. I do have the occasional backslide into profound sadness, but my recovery time from it is getting better. Doria canceled on me last week and I am still waiting for her to call me with the rescheduled time. I donít want to talk to her about not seeing her anymore just yet, but I know that I should eventually. Maybe next year.

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