No do-overs
9:50 a.m. on December 12, 2004

Last night I dreamt about Sam, the boy I went & lived with in New York right after I graduated High School. I woke up with the realization of how I would have done so much differently in New York and my relationship with him. I lay in bed awake for hours, going over my whole life and thought about the many things I would have done differently. I made so many mistakes and so many poor choices. It freaked me out, because I do not want to live with regret. I guess this means I have to live my life the best I can from this day forward and when I die, if asked if I want to go back and live it all over again with the ability to choose and behave differently, I would do it. This startled me, because for the most part, I am pretty much ready for it all to be over and done with and never thought for a minute that I would ever consider doing it all over again. The funny thing is that I would hope to still end up about where I am now, but with mainly subtle differences of being a better person. I guess the important thing is what I have learned so far from everything I have gone through. I guess I can only think about from here forward, but I am still so shaken up and crying and confounded. Too bad life is not more like TiVo; I could use a little pause and skip and replay in my daily existence.

Space Holder. - February 12, 2012

BEAUTIFUL BOY - August 26, 2011

COUNTDOWN - July 13, 2011

SEXAY - June 16, 2011


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