Somebody Narked Me Out
1:21 p.m. on February 18, 2005

OK, I admit, I recently slid in to white trashville. When the transmission in my í93 Saturn turned on me a year ago, I had to get a new car immediately as to not disrupt my work commute. I borrowed some cash and bought a car from my mechanic that is 22 years old, but runs pretty well. I let the Saturn sit in front of my house until I could deal with it.

Sasha also bought a used truck and left his old one sitting on the street in front of the house. We are going to use it for some dump runs before he sells it, but it has been sitting there for about 6 months. There is also an old motorcycle sitting in our yard since we moved in; Sasha let a friend store it there, but the friend moved to New Mexico and we have not heard from him since. In other words, we are lazy white trash with a myriad of vehicles rusting outside the house.

Yesterday when I got home, Sasha showed me a giant caution sticker with a pink flyer attached that he said was stuck to the Saturn windshield. It was a note from the Sheriff that said I am committing the infraction of littering and if my car is not removed within TWENTY-FOUR HOURS it will be impounded and I will be responsible for the cost. Holy Crap! Arenít they supposed to give you some warning first or mark your tires with chalk or something? What if we were out of town or did not see the note? I did not even realize that you could not park your car in a residential neighborhood in front of your own house! Crappers!

One of my neighbors narked me out and now I am paranoid. They did not bother to come and talk to me about it before calling the sheriff, how nice. There is a car around the corner that has been sitting there so long, it is completely green with moss and mold, but nobody calls the cops on it. Was it the next-door neighbor that sold us the house? Or the single mother that lives across the street? Or was it the crazy, smoking lady who hangs out in her front yard all year long always staring at us whenever we leave the house?

We moved the Saturn into the driveway and now I will just park the car that I drive to work on the street where the Saturn was. I hope that drives the mean nark-neighbor up the wall. Just wait until we get our RV.

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SEXAY - June 16, 2011


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