$769.95 = PRICE OF THE BEAST WITH ALL ACCESSORIES AND REPLACEMENT SOUL
4:33 p.m. on June 06, 2006


Happy 6.6.06. I can’t help but want something crazy to happen, but not too crazy. It is my friend’s birthday today so we are going to eat spaghetti. I was hoping for slightly more crazy than that.

I am back from the great wilds of Canada. Sasha had a flight out to Ontario the same day I was driving up to British Columbia. The plan for Thursday was to totally sleep in, have a leisurely morning, cook a gorgeous breakfast, drop Sasha off at the airport and pick up Jacki (my friend from high school) at the same time and head north. On Wednesday evening, I realized that my front license plate had fallen off my car & was missing. A missing plate would detain me at the border for sure, so I had to get my ass up early and head for the freaking DMV! Breakfast was downgraded to a drive-thru biscuit & my leisurely morning was shot to hell. It actually worked out pretty well getting new plates and I got a slightly better plate number than before.

By noon it began to rain. And rain. And rain. And rain. Our brilliant plan of driving up in the middle of a work day to avoid traffic flew out the window because the roads were now compromised and slow moving. We also smartly hit rush hour in Vancouver. Jacki had cut her finger really bad on a serrated knife right before I picked her up and almost fainted at the thought of needing stitches. She was able to just bandage herself up, but of course kept knocking her injured appendage into things, disturbing the wound and distracting her mind.

Despite the traffic, bad weather and deep cuts, we had a nice drive and talked continuously of life, death, love, sex, food, work, and the future, our long history as friends and back to sex.

Our plan for Friday was also waylaid. Our other friend from High School lives in Vancouver with her husband and 18 month old baby (who we had yet to meet) and we planned to spend the entire day with them. Our friend called to tell us that they were sick and explosively miserable with the stomach flu. This meant we had to spend the day shopping and eating and sampling cocktails instead.

The rain stopped but the sky was schizophrenic switching from hot sun to cold cloud cover every 5 minutes. I had to keep putting on, and then taking off my sunglasses so much that I am pretty sure I now have an eye tumor. We went to about 500 shoe stores, but neither of us bought shoes. Our hotel was the perfect distance between the shopping area and the beach and we took advantage of them both.

We decided that we wanted to move there because the world views are so much freer. Every other television channel after a certain hour had nudity or frank discussions about sex. Suddenly penises were in our face and we screamed. We had turned the channel on a show about nudists, which were mainly a few men playing soccer or pool and complimenting each other on their packages. From one sex-focused game show, we learned what the term “Spit-Roast” means.

We were able to visit with our sick friend for a short bit on our way out, but kept a safe germ distance and did not touch flesh or bodily fluids. The baby was ridiculously cute. When given a hat that Jacki made for her, she said Thank You in sign language and burst all of our hearts in a million pieces.

Now I am sad, because I am back at work. All that anticipation for a vacation and POOF it’s over. Like the Graviton ride at the fair, life moves at terrifying speeds and we are all just stuck to the surface until the end.






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BACKWARDS AND FORWARDS - May 30, 2011

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