The problem with having this diary is that I now have a never-ending monologue in my head, mentally writing and rewriting events as they occur, testing them out for potential posts. As I lay in bed at night I am kept awake as I replay the incidents of the day to see if anything is worth writing about or if I can tweak it into a funny anecdote or a significant tale to share.
As I go through my daily existence, any time something of consequence occurs or I am suddenly struck with an opinion or social commentary, I immediately begin working it through my mind to see how I might word it for this site. I am not the sort to carry around a notebook to “jot down my ideas”, but sometimes I think if I did this, I would be able to sleep better, because I would not be as afraid of forgetting these incessant thoughts.
As I drove on the freeway to pick up my friend, it was raining so hard the visibility was almost zero. As I am gripping the steering wheel driving at top speed in the middle of a wolf pack of cars that are passing me, I am going over possible adjectives to call the fear that seizes me as I prepare myself for the worst. The trip is inconsequential as I make it to my destination safely, but now becomes an example of my fanatical mental notes.
My daily ritual is not worthy of a post on a public diary site, but I still think of one day telling you how I eat breakfast at 10am, lunch at 2pm and dinner at 8pm every day or how I can never fall asleep until after midnight, no matter how desperately I need the sleep. I am suddenly sad by the majority of my daily life that is scarcely worth mentioning and yet I still run it through my head over and over in hopes of somehow spinning it into the best narrative of all time.
I think this is some sort of bloggers disease or an adverse side effect of a public diary.
Am I alone in this or can I start a support group?