ELEVATOR INTERFACE
3:18 p.m. on February 07, 2007


Since moving into the new building, these are actual conversations I have had with strangers during the 10 second elevator rides I take several times daily. This may become a regular series depending on my powers of recollection and the quality of the elevator riders.


1.

Man choking on sip of coffee as we both enter the car.
ME: That must be some cup of coffee.
MAN: Actually I just came back from Hawaii and I caught a nasty infection on the plane that makes me cough up all kinds of stuff.
Me backing away slowly into the deepest, farthest corner of the lift


2.

MAN AS HE ENTERS LIFT: Was that guy speaking Mandarin?
ME: Huh? Oh, I did not hear.
MAN: Yeah, he was all “chee yow cung waw”
ME: Wow
MAN: Pretty amazing
ME: Yeah
MAN YELLING AS I LEAVE: Go learn Mandarin
ME: You, too!
MAN: I am going to pass

3.

MAN AS WE BOTH ENTER ELEVATOR: What floor you going to young lady?
ME: 23 please
MAN: 23 it is
ME: Thank you
MAN: No fees today, you ride for free
ME: Not even a tip?
MAN: It would not feel right
ME: Thanks
MAN: No sweat
ME AS I LEAVE: Have a good day

4.

ME ENTERING GARAGE ELEVATOR WITH WOMAN I ALSMOST CRASHED MY CAR INTO: Sorry I scared you.
HER:
ME: I was trying to sneak back around to the parking spot
HER:
ME: I did not realize I was going the wrong direction on a one-way
HER:
ME: I am new to this building
HER: Good thing you had your headlights on
ME: Totally, gosh!


5.

-Overheard-
OLDER MAN: Did you watch the Super Bowl? Man, it was a kick.
YOUNGER MAN: No, I missed it. All 4 of my kids were sick.
OLDER MAN: Oh, well, it was a real kick.





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