... A Letter From a Frequent Guest
5:30 p.m. on March 24, 2006

Dear Compassion:

I'm sorry. I really am. And after all these years I still feel bad that I haven't adequately apologized. That was a really shitty thing to do and I hope you don't think any less of me. What I did realize that night was that I am an ignorant, jealous, and selfish individual. Sometimes you need to be ignorant, jealous, and selfish in order not to be ignorant, jealous, and selfish. I also need to apologize to someone else for what happened that same night, mostly because I was unable to handle my own feelings. I could not cope with what I was really feeling and so anger replaced my inability to grapple with the truth. As a direct result I hurt you without really giving any thought to the consequences of my actions (and inability to act) I displayed a weakness I did not like, and one that I do not want to ever share with anybody, ever.

The funny thing about that night, however, is how you showed yourself to be the better person. This did not dawn on me at the time, and by all rights you should have abandoned me forever . . . but I am really glad you did not. Perhaps you could sense the pain I was feeling (although my pain was not an excuse for being an ass), and I don't know what compelled you to come after me, but thank you for caring. I say that not only in relation to that evening, but it covers many evenings, days, months, weeks, years, etc (dating back to when I first met you up until the present day).


I look forward to thanking you again in the future, and maybe even apologizing a few more times.

Sincerely,

Regret





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