4:37 p.m. on January 24, 2006

On my drive in to work this morning, I thought to myself: Why do I smell death? I had just been thinking of my ex who is missing and presumed dead, so I had to wonder if it was some sort of psychic confirmation of his passing. I changed thought patterns to test this theory, but the smell stuck with me for miles. I started to worry that a neighbor cat had crawled up under my hood and was now rotting inside the inter-workings of the Buick. I was not brave enough to check under the hood once in the parking garage. I continued to smell decomposing vampires all the way up into my offices, so I checked my shoes and body parts for foulness and came up empty. Maybe my olfactory system was just clogged up; I hoped it was not permanent. AHA! Mystery solved. According to the Seattle Times, I was sniffing the poop of half the residents of Seattle:

“Many Seattleites woke up to a dank, putrid smell this morning when an odor control unit at a sewer substation malfunctioned.
The unit that controls the odor of sewage at the Lake City regulator station failed, causing stinky air to seep through the city's manholes and into the air.
The station, located on North 40th Street between the University Bridge and the University of Washington, carries sewage from north Seattle near Matthews Beach through pipes that eventually end up at the county's wastewater treatment plant in Magnolia.
Gary Larson, spokesman for King County's wastewater treatment division, said the odor control unit at the station cleans the air while the sewage is passing through.
"Because it malfunctioned, the system flooded and there was so much excess water going through it, it couldn't handle it and stopped treating the air," Larson said.
He said the county was draining the unit and will restart it, but by mid-morning most of the foul smell problem was controlled.”

P.U., Seattle!

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