I AM NOT READY FOR THIS
2:20 p.m. on June 02, 2008

Sashaís time as a SAHD (Stay At Home Dad) is coming to a sad close. Our goal was the first week of July, shortly after Finnís 9 month mark and that is already booming down on us. Ideally, I would love it if Sasha or I could be home with Finn until he started kindergarten or Medical School, but sadly that is not an option for us at this juncture.

We were hoping to get Finn into a center provided by a local college that cares for babies and kids and offers a little schooling as a bonus, but we did not make the waitlist for the summer session, so we started visiting private home care. Looking at places is a sort of agony. I donít want someone else spending so much time with my kid and messing him up.

The first place we saw, my heart instantly screamed NO so loud, I was afraid the lady could hear it, too. You could tell she tried to tidy up, but the place echoed with grime and I was immediately afraid if we set Finn on the floor he would swallow a rusty nail.

At the second home care we visited, we were asked to take off our shoes and everything was tip-top in its place. The lady used to work for another care center, but was just starting out on her own to work with kids out of her home. She is young with 3 kids of her own and talked one mile per minute. You could not get a word in edgewise. I liked her, though. She had all her paperwork in order in a nice little packet and seemed to be caring and smart. English is not her first language (although she speaks it perfectly) and I like the idea of Finn maybe learning to speak another dialect. She was going to care for 2 babies and 3 toddlers by the time summer started and promised not to take them anywhere. She said she could not understand other women who took 5 plus children to the park or zoo. This was weird as I liked the idea of always knowing exactly where my son was going to be at all times, but it seemed kind of boring for the kids. She did have a huge back yard, though.

The last place we have seen so far was located in a perfect area, at the very top of a cul-de-sac where there is absolutely no traffic. The house was quite large and very nice. When we arrived, the woman yelled at us to enter as if we had known her forever. She was holding a pretty little toddler girl; Finn immediately reached out to touch the little girls face and told her he loved her in baby language (baby language sounds a lot like Aramaic, the native language of Jesus). The woman dropped the toddler and scooped Finn up in her arms and proceeded to give him a big kiss right on the mouth. I was completely alarmed. Sure, she needs to have a connection and obviously loves children, but who goes in for the mouth kiss upon seconds of meeting? She did seem really nice, but she spoke a mile per nanosecond and it was like talking to a tornado. She had on a necklace that said: BE STILL. Yep, keep telling yourself that lady. She said she would have 12 kids by summer, but had several helpers and said she takes the kids absolutely everywhere: the Park, the beach, the zoo, Office Max. This scared me as I just felt that despite her having done this for years, that her whirlwind capriciousness combined with the need to travel around town with a gaggle of children, she might just accidentally leave my kid behind at the monkey cage in the zoo.

No place is going to be perfect to care for such precious cargo as our beautiful son. I am hopeful the next place we see will be the equivalent of the mother bear to Goldilocks, just about right and nobody is eating any thumbtacks or nails.

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