ANOTHER LAME OSCAR RE-CAP
12:34 p.m. on March 06, 2006

2:30 pm
Isaac Mizrahi back on the red carpet swearing to behave himself. He is simply not smart enough to work the carpet. Get Kathy Griffin back!

3:06 pm
Amy Adams in gorgeous brown dress. Loved her in the film Junebug, did not necessarily love the film itself.

3:15 pm
Some kind of promo for an M. Night Shamalan amex commercial, wonder what that is all about…oh, they showed it later & it sucks hard. Too bad.

3:45 pm
Backstage with Naomi Watts. Love her, not the dress. It looks like she is wearing a tumor. She is pimping the hybrid lexis. Mum about Nicole Kidman wedding.

4:04 pm
Isaac talking with Matt Dillon. AWKWARD! Isaac is just dumb there is no way around it.

4:20 pm
I see Eric Bana. SHWING!

4:22 pm
There’s Michelle Williams & Heath Ledger looking totally freaked out. Michelle’s dress is prozac yellow. Do I like it? Wait. Thinking. Thinking. Yes, she looks gorgeous, but hungry.

4:33 pm
Keira Knightly wearing a cool Bulgary eyeball necklace. I like the dress, but I think it needs either one more strap or one less strap.

5:00 pm
It is starting. I am creaming my pants over John Stewart.

Quick shot of Charlize. BIG BOW! Her hair looks a little Tippy Hedrin.

Nicole Kidman looking good more relaxed than I have ever seen her.

REESE!

Best Supporting Male. I am rooting for Paul Giammatti. Oh, it’s George Clooney. Well, if you get nominated for acting, writing AND directing in one year, you better win something.

Wallace & Grommet win; dig the bow ties.

Colleen Atwood wins for best costume for the Geisha film. Fun fact: I booked a hotel room for her once when I worked in Central reservation in San Francisco. I also booked a room for Jason Simpson, OJ’s Son, just one month after the murders.

EEK! Lauren Bacall. I don’t think she can read the prompter! I feel very uncomfortable. Phew, it is over.

Is that a burning car on stage? A slow mo’ car crash. Hmmm…

Why is Jack Nicholson seated next to Keira Knightly? You know he totally requested that seating arrangement!

Meryl Streep looks HOT! Not her usual matronly. She gets my pick for best dress. Sexy!

Clip-o-rama!

Robert Altman tribute. Total heart transplant ‘eh? Er… M*A*S*H*, The Player & Short Cuts are my faves by him.

Strange commercial for an energy drink by Tab in a pink bottle that is for women only.

It just got a little easier to be a PIMP!

Jennifer Garner. WOOPS! Almost fell. Good save.

Richard Pryor wins memoriam clap-o-meter. Chris Penn a distant 4th place.

Best Speech: Guy for best foreign film Tsotsi. Reese Witherspoon a close second.

Brokeback Mountain gets best screenplay adapted from a short story. Incidentally, I wrote a similar short story in 1989 about a Gay Supermarket Butcher.

Best Actor: I sort of split my vote between Joaquin & Phillip Seymour. I think Phillip deserves it & has paid his dues more, but for some reason I want Joaquin to get it. I like Heath Ledger, but the dude does not move his lips when he talks which is hell on us folks who are hard-of-hearing. WOAH! Joaquin just mouthed that he loved me into the camera, did you see that? OK, Phil wins. He loves his mama, it is OK by me.

Best film: Crash!? I am shocked. I liked that movie, but never even thought about it winning. Poor Brokeback, but at least we had one unexpected win the entire night.

Now it is time for my after party of re-heated leftover pasta.





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