I am a Spaz
1:16 p.m. on May 02, 2005

I am a spaz. Early proof of this short coming are the following incidents, although I have hundreds of examples: When I was in the 3rd grade, I was chasing Lacey Lopez on the playground and got so excited about catching her, that I ripped the jumper of her school uniform. The look on her face said: Damn it, you SPAZ! In the 5th grade, two of my friends were crouched on the top of this incline, looking at something on the ground. In full spastic fashion, I took it upon myself to shove my friends so they went tumbling and rolling down the incline into the spindly blackberry bushes. I almost died from laughter, even though they could have been quite hurt. At slumber parties, I was always the last to fall asleep and would get quite disappointed to be the only one awake. I would pretend to sleep walk to get attention or would draw on the sleeperís faces or would try to terrify them awake with blood curdling screams. Yes, very annoying.

Why am I such a spaz? I blame part of this on genetics and the rest of it on sugar. I am highly susceptible to sugar, but also quite addicted. After one cookie, I can feel my heart begin to race and my blood gets thick in my veins as I try to calm down with deep breathing exercises in an effort to stop myself from running around the room in sugar-fueled lunacy.

It is sort of pathetic to be a 35-year old spaz, but no matter how much I repeat my mantra: ďDonít be a spaz, donít be a spazĒ, I canít seem to help it.

I am super shy in groups where I may not know everyone, but can still lapse in to super spaz-mode. I may have lost some friends because of this and I for sure have not gained any. It is the worst when I am with a group of people I feel wholly comfortable with and the drink is flowing. I inevitably need to apologize to someone after our weekly poker game, as I cannot shut the fuck up, tend to scream bloody murder when I win or lose and invariably call someone a cocksucker.

Sorry, J.

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