For your entertainment, I will tell you a story from my youth. For your sanity, I will keep it short.

I was home schooled.

One summer, when I was nine, my parents signed up my two older sisters and me to take a PE class for home school students. The teacher was tall and skinny, with dark hair and a mustache. Come to think of it, he looked a little like Freddy Mercury, although I didn't know who that was at the time. If I had, I'm sure I would have seen the resemblance.

Anyway, I fell just under the age for the older class, but to prevent my parents from having to deal with us going to two different classes at two different times, I was allowed to join the older group.

One day a fat little twelve-year-old boy pushed me over, and I landed on my right arm. It hurt really bad, and I told the teacher I needed to leave, but he didn't believe me and wouldn't call my parents. My sisters got mad at him and told him to call my parents, but he still wouldn't. I had to sit through the rest of the class, trying not to cry. It turned out my arm was fractured in two places.

That is why I don't like men with mustaches.

I will now share with you a short list of things I have come to realize, as I've gotten older.

• Not all babies are beautiful.


• Being smarter than everyone around you is meaningless, if there is no one around smart enough to notice.


• People die when you least expect it.


• One man's trash really is another man's treasure.


• Sometimes, when parents say "it's for your own good", they're lying.


• Smoking does make some people look cool.


• I will never, ever have street cred.

Last of all, some pictures.

I am poopiebitch:

I have a lovely husband:

And two, bad-ass nephews:

I like taking pictures:

And making cakes that look like other things:

That's about it.

Space Holder. - February 12, 2012

BEAUTIFUL BOY - August 26, 2011

COUNTDOWN - July 13, 2011

SEXAY - June 16, 2011

BACKWARDS AND FORWARDS - May 30, 2011