10:49 a.m. on October 18, 2005

I was a complete stalker spaz when I was a kid. I was a victim of teenage-girl-hormonal transitional-craziness that would make all the wires in my head and body tweak whenever a cute boy was near. I was also a major dork with no confidence. I would become OBSESSED with one boy or another and that is all I could think about for months.

My first foray into stalkerdom was when I was in the 8th grade and was shopping the Santa Rosa mall with a girlfriend who was equally spastic, but more self-assured. There was a boy who was working the cash register who was perfect in my budding teenage heart. He looked just like John Taylor from Duran Duran, complete with longish hair falling into his dark eyes. We stayed in that shop for at least an hour giggling our asses off and making a dozen separate purchases just to get to talk with him as he made change and bagged our items. My friend managed to get his first name and as soon as we got home (we lived an hour away), I called the store and somehow got his last name. I looked him up in the phone book and actually found his phone number and home address. Thus began the incessant calling. I called him all the time and he actually talked with me, often at great length. I think he had a girlfriend. I knew he was way out of my league and was at least 3 years older than me. That did not stop me from sending him gifts and weird notes in the mail. Once I even had my dad drive by his house so I could get a picture of it.

Going to high school was like being turned loose in a candy factory. I went from a school with the same 27 kids in my class everyday for 8 years to a school with 400 students in my grade alone, most of them boys. I had a new crush every week. I would rarely speak with these guys, but would instead follow them around campus, call their homes and hang up after they said hello, just to hear their voices. I would send odd shit to them in the mail and drive by their houses at night. If they would have detention, I would sneak into the detention hall pretending I also had detention just so I could stare at the back of the necks.

Not surprisingly, I had very few dates in high school.

My hormones only just recently mellowed out. I still get mad boy crushes from time to time, but thankfully my stalker days are over.

Space Holder. - February 12, 2012

BEAUTIFUL BOY - August 26, 2011

COUNTDOWN - July 13, 2011

SEXAY - June 16, 2011


paleo neo