1:06 p.m. on September 27, 2005

I guess it is time to write out the history of my drug use, as it is thankfully not that long of a story. It started when I was 13 and my 14-year old friend somehow scored two joints. She gave me one and she took the other and we smoked them down by the creek behind my house. Obviously we knew nothing about smoking pot or else getting a whole doob to yourself might put you in a temporary coma at that age. I must not have smoked it right, because I donít remember feeling anything, but we acted all crazy like we were out of our minds.

The first time I really did get high was about two years later with another friend who swiped a stash from her folks. It was New Years Eve and my folks were having a party as usual, so we and another girl sat behind the house and lit one up. This time I smoked it right and I just remember not being able to work the VCR after that & then we went straight to sleep.

My second time getting high was with another couple of friends and we could not move from our place on the floor and had smiles plastered to our faces.

I discovered I did not care much for pot, as it seemed to immobilize me and then put me instantly to sleep.

The only other time I have ever been hurting from marijuana use was at a Halloween party where they had pot cookies. I cannot resist cookies, so I ate 3 whole ones to myself and you are really only supposed to eat half of one. There was a point where I was just sitting on the curb watching the cars go by and not being able to focus or hold my head up.

I did not do any other drugs or even drink in high school until I discovered crystal meth my senior year. I was surprised to learn that many other kids in my classes also did meth. A few years later I became a speed freak for a short while. One of my co-workers knew where I could get some when I lived in San Francisco, so I took the bus in to the deep heart of an unfamiliar and sketchy part of town, walked about 10 blocks with a wad of cash in my pocket and did a drug deal. I got a bunch and would do it often with friends. I liked being able to stay up all night and still go to work without any problems. I decided to see what would happen if I did it for 2 weeks straight. This was a bad idea, because the right side of my face literally hardened. I donít know exactly what happened, but skin on my cheek and forehead turned red and got hard, like it just solidified somehow. I freaked and worried it would stay like that permanently, but it went back to normal after a couple of days.

One time I got the bright idea to take a bunch before going out to dinner with my family for my Grandfatherís birthday. It was around the time of the first gulf war, and tensions were high. When we first got to our table, there was big argument happening with some football player looking men and a lesbian couple. The men were shouting shit at these ladies and it infuriated me, even though I did not know what they were yelling about. I stood up and starting SCREAMING at these men from across the room to get the fuck out. I was shocked that my family was not backing me up and were not even making eye contact with me like I was out of my mind. I may have been.

I have only done acid once and I guess you could say I had a bad trip. I got home from work at about 10:00pm and my roommates had already dropped, so I took a hit too. This is something you should probably start earlier in the day, because I was still tripping in the morning when it was time to go back to work. I had to call in sick, because there was no way I could sling sandwiches while the world was melting like that & I could see the veins and blood and muscle under peopleís skin.

I have only done shrooms twice and both times I also had bad trips. I hate to be the kind of person who has bad trips, but I guess I am. The first time I did it was on Halloween the night River Phoenix died. On the walk home through a bad area, I envisioned my own violent death.

I have done cocaine a few times, which I like, but I donít care for how it wears off pretty quickly & you have to do more.

I have never done Ecstasy, but I would like to try it. I have never done crack or heroine and I never will just out of sheer fear.

I like knowing that I have experimented and come out the other side without being addicted or really feeling like I need to do any more drugs at all.

Space Holder. - February 12, 2012

BEAUTIFUL BOY - August 26, 2011

COUNTDOWN - July 13, 2011

SEXAY - June 16, 2011


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