1:13 p.m. on May 23, 2008

I had my hearing test today. I mean I know I cannot hear, but to see it in black and white represented in a line graph progressively going downward actually bummed me out. Diagnosis: Severely hard of hearing. The next level is: Profoundly hard of hearing (like my mom) and then: Stone cold deaf.

I had had my hearing tested 4 years ago and the process has not changed one iota. I was even at an entirely different facility, but the hollow little gray booth was exactly the same and the equipment looked like it had not been updated since Napoleon ruled France. With the lady at the sound table outside a small window and me inside the box with headphones, I did feel a bit like I was laying down tracks for my new single, but the coolness ended there.

I was hoping I could get away with just getting one hearing aid since those buggers are expensive, but I need one for each ear in order to not bugger my conversational hearing any further. The cheapest aids available are $1000 each and only come in a few bad colors, including FLESH and DEAD CORPSE.

The doctor made molds of my ears by pouring the liquid rubber stuff that they use for dental molds straight into my ear canal. For about 5 minutes while the molds were hardening, I could not hear a single sound. I guess I am lucky I have this opportunity to hear better, but having these little devices is going to be a weird adjustment.

It should take about 3 weeks until I will get fitted for the actual hearing aids, in the meantime, can I get a what what?

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